| 4:22 p.m. | In which latent desires crush my sense of good & right to a squishy pulp | 2003-10-02 |
| Reaped | so it's been a good long while. almost a week. tonight is the night i've been waiting for, for a good long while. the night i finally get to see r4diohead live. that's right. not teevee, not radio, not special dvd set. but up front, close & personal. or as close & personal as one can be from the balcony seating. tailgating anyone? got a six pack chillin back in the break room. & i wonder why Bosslady thinks me the alcoholic... in other news.... to quote fiona apple, "i've been a bad bad girl..." yep, were talkin' that sketchy area of fidelity. the penumbra of monogramy. wonderin' what it's like to have a ball and chain? let me tell you, there's a reason foxes will gnaw off their foot to get out of a trap. what i'm doing is the same thing, except the trap is the crab & the gnawing is more like fucking. la la la. bound to happen. my flip treatment of the situation will only exacerbate the hideous consequences. & my horrorscope just keeps getting worse & worse. whine on whiner. i have a plan though. it involves alot of hurt & cunning & long relationship conversations i don't really want to have. but i will. after the r4diohead show but before christmas. crab senses something wrong, but he doens't want to let go & see what's happening. perhaps this is why they say love is blind. and why did it have to be a librarian? that i met at 80's night? a y4le boy? how sordid & cliche can it get? someday i'll get down to the gory details. it'll make for much better writing once it's all over with. For i don't see the affair going anywhere, as nice as it would be. things just don't turn out that way. perhaps i'm making my own funeral here. but descending into such situations is it's own kind of ritual death. my subconscious is having a field day. superego & id are rearing their ugly heads & crushing any ideas of morality that try to surface. or rather, they're presenting their own manifestos on the subject & sounding much more logical. change isn't necessarily bad. i'm not necessarily bad. the situation with crab--now that's what's bad. think my mom will be happy though. and that, dear readers, is what the fuck is going on.
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Sown |
| Fresh Cut
New digs - 2004-05-25 Bachelor hell - 2004-05-10 Grumble - 2004-05-07 Coachella pt. 2, or goddamn do my fingers hurt - 2004-05-05 Coachella part one, or, this monkey's gone to indio rawk heaven - 2004-05-05 Random Shearings Rings |
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