View from a grassy knoll

6:09 p.m. and your opinion which is of no consequence at all 2003-06-25

Reaped When I am king
you will be fast against the wall

I had the most mortifying experience at work yesterday, with no one to blame but myself.
There�s no one at the computers downstairs when the call comes to help a couple nursing students in the lab on the next floor. As I leave I tell circulation to page me if anyone needs help downstairs. Mistake #1: never trust circulation people to do anything. I�m up there helping these girls quite nicely for about fifteen minutes. BossLady and our personal member of the SSSS even come into the lab on some unrelated reason & say nothing. One of the computers the students are at keeps losing it�s internet connection. As I stoop over the hard drive to check the USB I see someone storm the room, red in the face, eyes afire, a screamin� ragin� harpy.
�WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP HERE!?!? THERE�S A MILLION PEOPLE DOWNSTAIRS! YOU NEED TO GET DOWN THERE RIGHT NOW!!�
Right in front of the 2 students, who are about my age. This woman, my coworker, the one who forsakes NPR as �too librarian�, was screaming at me like I�m a child.
�I�I told the circulation to page me if anyone needed help!�
�YOU CAN�T RELY ON THAT! NOW GO!� She points to the door like I�m a misbehaved puppy. Stupid bitch, pissing all over the serials. Rub your nose in it bad bad dog.
I look at the girls. I want to melt through the floor, but instead say, �Well, it looks like your computer is having connection issues anyway, so if you�d still need help you should come down to the reference area.� I feel incompetent. I look incompetent.
Tail between my legs, I turn out the door.
Back downstairs, all the circ folks quickly avert their eyes & stop whispering as I resume my place at the desk. I finish out the shift, not before my coworker apologizes for screaming at me, which was nice I guess. How mortifying though. If I ever yelled at one of THEM, you�d see who�d get a talking to right quick. Strangely enough, BossLady never mentioned it. I left at five feeling deflated, depressed & worthless.
So today it wasn�t over yet. BossLady still had a few kind words to drive the point home. Unfortunately for her (me?), I was in a bit of a temper b/c I suspected such a thing would happen, and not up to the usual diplomacy one must use in these situations. She starts in, I stare out the window. One coworker has license to box my ears, while BossLady gets the role of the good cop.
�I discussed this with CircGirl�� she starts. I involuntarily roll my eyes at the thought my bad behavior was such a lively topic.
�Why�d you just roll your eyes?� she asks.
�Oh, did I? Sorry...� I turn my head towards her but continue to face my window & the rain. The soothing, calm rain. I jiggle my foot like a coke whore with the jones.
�It�s just that�it�s really hard for me to talk to people when they won�t make eye-contact! Now see? You�re raising your eyebrows at me!�
I sigh. I do not need this blow by blow account of my own facial expressions.
I stare her down. Give her the speech: I know what I did was wrong, it�ll never happen again. I know what I did was wrong, it�ll never happen again. I am a terrible terrible person. Bad dog. Bad bitch. Bad librarian. My voice rises. Subconciously, I want everyone to hear this confession of guilt. I want circulation & reference to know i know they know i suck like so much hoover. I want everyone in the whole goddamn library to know what a fucking sorry loser I am.
BossLady listens patiently. She has a scab on the bottom of her chin the size of a quarter that was not there last week. I mildly wonder what happened. If her husband beats her with his rings on.
�Well, that sounded rehearsed,� she says kindly. That�s the thing about BossLady, she�s not a bitch, she�s pretty nice. But nice is not always friendly. Like how hypothermia is nice: you don�t feel too bad, but it�s killing you.
�You�ve practice that?� she asks. �You know I�m not here to punish you. That�s not my job. My job�s to make sure you�re aware of certain policies and procee-.�
�I am aware Bosslady. Like I said, this was entirely a mistake on my part, and it won�t happen again. I understand what I did wrong, I deserved to be yelled at by my coworker, though it was rather mortifying, and tt won�t happen again.� I stare hard into her eyes, willing her to shut up and leave. Drop the subject, let the water under the bridge.
shut up and leave. shut up and leave. shut up and leave. shut up and leave. shut up and leave. shut up and leave. shut up and leave.
Finally it works.
�Well,� she sniffs. �I�m glad we had this conversation. Also don�t forget about blah blah blah.� She gets up, and then she�s gone.
So the moral of the story kids: never leave the ref desk unattended. Even if someone needs help upstairs. And for god�s sake don�t tell Circulation, tell Reference. These words, eternally etched into my memory, a message worthy of Umbridge�s detentions. One of the more scarring events in my short career as a reference librarian.
Seriously, this is not worth it. Don�t do it, libraries are crappy vestiges of a time long past by Google & evil people run them & then they hire people like ME who come to work high or hungover or with dreadlocks and then go nuts and help people when they�re supposed to be sitting at the desk. And then these people, they get the nerve to fess up to it all in their pitiful little online journal. NO WONDER your co-workers are screaming at you! You DESERVE IT. The fucking lamest librarian in the world, paltry excuse for a human dirt child, sniveling bucket of used maxipads, this is why the world aligns against you. This is why your boyfriend�s fat n� poor, why your credit cards are at 20% apr and also why that weird dermatitis the cat gave you isn�t going away. PUNISHMENT BITCH. You�re the bad seed. The broken link. A miscarriage gone awry.
Read it and reap. Reap it and read. For you�ll get no compassion from me.
Sown

Fresh Cut
New digs - 2004-05-25
Bachelor hell - 2004-05-10
Grumble - 2004-05-07
Coachella pt. 2, or goddamn do my fingers hurt - 2004-05-05
Coachella part one, or, this monkey's gone to indio rawk heaven - 2004-05-05

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6:09 p.m.	and your opinion which is of no consequence at all	2003-06-25
Reaped	When I am king you will be fast against the wall I had the most mortifying experience at work yesterday, with no one to blame but myself. There�s no one at the computers downstairs when the call comes to help a couple nursing students in the lab on the next floor. As I leave I tell circulation to page me if anyone needs help downstairs. Mistake #1: never trust circulation people to do anything. I�m up there helping these girls quite nicely for about fifteen minutes. BossLady and our personal member of the SSSS even come into the lab on some unrelated reason & say nothing. One of the computers the students are at keeps losing it�s internet connection. As I stoop over the hard drive to check the USB I see someone storm the room, red in the face, eyes afire, a screamin� ragin� harpy. �WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP HERE!?!? THERE�S A MILLION PEOPLE DOWNSTAIRS! YOU NEED TO GET DOWN THERE RIGHT NOW!!� Right in front of the 2 students, who are about my age. This woman, my coworker, the one who forsakes NPR as �too librarian�, was screaming at me like I�m a child. �I�I told the circulation to page me if anyone needed help!� �YOU CAN�T RELY ON THAT! NOW GO!� She points to the door like I�m a misbehaved puppy. Stupid bitch, pissing all over the serials. Rub your nose in it bad bad dog. I look at the girls. I want to melt through the floor, but instead say, �Well, it looks like your computer is having connection issues anyway, so if you�d still need help you should come down to the reference area.� I feel incompetent. I look incompetent. Tail between my legs, I turn out the door. Back downstairs, all the circ folks quickly avert their eyes & stop whispering as I resume my place at the desk. I finish out the shift, not before my coworker apologizes for screaming at me, which was nice I guess. How mortifying though. If I ever yelled at one of THEM, you�d see who�d get a talking to right quick. Strangely enough, BossLady never mentioned it. I left at five feeling deflated, depressed & worthless. So today it wasn�t over yet. BossLady still had a few kind words to drive the point home. Unfortunately for her (me?), I was in a bit of a temper b/c I suspected such a thing would happen, and not up to the usual diplomacy one must use in these situations. She starts in, I stare out the window. One coworker has license to box my ears, while BossLady gets the role of the good cop. �I discussed this with CircGirl�� she starts. I involuntarily roll my eyes at the thought my bad behavior was such a lively topic. �Why�d you just roll your eyes?� she asks. �Oh, did I? Sorry...� I turn my head towards her but continue to face my window & the rain. The soothing, calm rain. I jiggle my foot like a coke whore with the jones. �It�s just that�it�s really hard for me to talk to people when they won�t make eye-contact! Now see? You�re raising your eyebrows at me!� I sigh. I do not need this blow by blow account of my own facial expressions. I stare her down. Give her the speech: I know what I did was wrong, it�ll never happen again. I know what I did was wrong, it�ll never happen again. I am a terrible terrible person. Bad dog. Bad bitch. Bad librarian. My voice rises. Subconciously, I want everyone to hear this confession of guilt. I want circulation & reference to know i know they know i suck like so much hoover. I want everyone in the whole goddamn library to know what a fucking sorry loser I am. BossLady listens patiently. She has a scab on the bottom of her chin the size of a quarter that was not there last week. I mildly wonder what happened. If her husband beats her with his rings on. �Well, that sounded rehearsed,� she says kindly. That�s the thing about BossLady, she�s not a bitch, she�s pretty nice. But nice is not always friendly. Like how hypothermia is nice: you don�t feel too bad, but it�s killing you. �You�ve practice that?� she asks. �You know I�m not here to punish you. That�s not my job. My job�s to make sure you�re aware of certain policies and procee-.� �I am aware Bosslady. Like I said, this was entirely a mistake on my part, and it won�t happen again. I understand what I did wrong, I deserved to be yelled at by my coworker, though it was rather mortifying, and tt won�t happen again.� I stare hard into her eyes, willing her to shut up and leave. Drop the subject, let the water under the bridge. shut up and leave. shut up and leave. shut up and leave. shut up and leave. shut up and leave. shut up and leave. shut up and leave. Finally it works. �Well,� she sniffs. �I�m glad we had this conversation. Also don�t forget about blah blah blah.� She gets up, and then she�s gone. So the moral of the story kids: never leave the ref desk unattended. Even if someone needs help upstairs. And for god�s sake don�t tell Circulation, tell Reference. These words, eternally etched into my memory, a message worthy of Umbridge�s detentions. One of the more scarring events in my short career as a reference librarian. Seriously, this is not worth it. Don�t do it, libraries are crappy vestiges of a time long past by Google & evil people run them & then they hire people like ME who come to work high or hungover or with dreadlocks and then go nuts and help people when they�re supposed to be sitting at the desk. And then these people, they get the nerve to fess up to it all in their pitiful little online journal. NO WONDER your co-workers are screaming at you! You DESERVE IT. The fucking lamest librarian in the world, paltry excuse for a human dirt child, sniveling bucket of used maxipads, this is why the world aligns against you. This is why your boyfriend�s fat n� poor, why your credit cards are at 20% apr and also why that weird dermatitis the cat gave you isn�t going away. PUNISHMENT BITCH. You�re the bad seed. The broken link. A miscarriage gone awry. Read it and reap. Reap it and read. For you�ll get no compassion from me.	Sown
Fresh Cut New digs - 2004-05-25 Bachelor hell - 2004-05-10 Grumble - 2004-05-07 Coachella pt. 2, or goddamn do my fingers hurt - 2004-05-05 Coachella part one, or, this monkey's gone to indio rawk heaven - 2004-05-05 Random Shearings Rings		Profile Guestbook Mail D-land Older Home 26 Links Bandified Geek Philosopher /. Drudge Worst.Site.Ever.
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Bandified
Geek Philosopher
/.
Drudge
Worst.Site.Ever.