| 4:52 p.m. | drama-rama in the 504, part deux, or, being in love with being in love | 2003-10-07 |
| Reaped | As stated previously, these ramblings are culled from a wide variety of correspondence. So if you don't know what the hell we're talking about here, to use the words of a kitsch master, 'it's not you, it's me--Eds. Questions of the day 1. really love the anime emoticon 2. jagerbomb??!! The very name makes me wanna hurl. 3. if you're called a slut by a woman with a Master's in Women's Studies, shouldn�t you take it as a compliment?
damn. medals all around, I think. that story's at least as good as mine. maybe better. what's our problem? I think you gave a pretty good explanation: "being in love with being in love". the constant search for the spark, that first part when your heart leaps outta your throat at the sight of your affection. the moment before your lips meet, wondering & hoping and questioning and excited. that feelin gets me every time, wraps it's little fingers around my neck and throttles me. It�s its own heroin or crack. bleh. *snip* And now, back to our continuing adventures our hapless redheaded heroine in the stinking city. (a long title I know). So last night we had some people over for Monday night football. House conditions continue to oscillate between unspeakable horror and unspoken tolerance in the once happy den of goat & crab. crab spent the earlier part of the evening (before people came over) needling me about �things he knows that I know he knows and he's not stupid & won�t I just admit it?� So i said, 'do you really want to do this now?' & he got mad & stormed about, recovered rather quickly and apologized. a bit later, maybe halftime or third quarter, #2 calls. The ringer was off but i saw the phone. #2's all like, 'hey, i just wanted to call & say i really like you & you deserve something better than me." I agreed. I do deserve better than him, but i'll take him for now. It's all so great, like an ingrown toenail or a squirt of grapefruit juice in the eye. But again, i love the crush, the beginnings, so much better than the End. Which brings us back to: Later in the night, when the gin had taken over & the crab's eyes were glazy. He starts again with the hedging hemming & hawing. He wanted to use my cell phone to call his friends in t4mpa about the game. then he spent a good 5 minutes poking through the phone. of course he knows. he can look at the caller id on it to prove someone called me about 30 minutes ago. he can prove anything he wants. So i'm looking rather peaked, wondering when he's gonna ask who the hell 'United cab' is on my phone, then he says, "Should i get long distance on the land-line? You don't want me using your phone anymore?" & he says it in this real frustrated way, b/c, again, he knows SOMETHING'S up. "Yeah, maybe you should." I say. Then he says something to the effect of, "Yeah, I guess i should, since you need that phone to call your OTHER BOYFRIEND." I'm not surprised, in fact, i can't stop grinning, and i say "other boyfriend?" and leave it at that. he smiles quietly to himself b/c he won. He won, he won, yay for crab so fucking smart and smug and better than his slutty ex girlfriend whom he can't satisfy in bad so she runs to another. He's number one.. too bad he has to pay long distance on his phone now. so anyway, a short while later i went to bed. In the morning I faced it. "You know how you were talking about the 'other boyfriend' last night?" i asked. "well it's partially true. there is someone else, but he's not my boyfriend. We're just talking. To be clich�, we're just friends. i met him at the club." Crab looks like "surrrre" and replies, "i know, i'm not stupid". i vaguely wonder HOW he knows exactly all the details to the situation this but keep my mouth shut. He tries to make some catty remarks but thinks better of it after a second & apologizes. and i feel better. there's no more secrets. I'm being honest. It's better this way, better that he know there's no chance in hell i'm getting back with him, that there's other stupid boys i'm talking to. then i left for work. tonight might suck, but i think it's different now. When crab wants to have the "big conversation" i don't have to tell him anything. He knows all he needs to know. and i'm so sick of talking about it with him that next time i'm not censoring. if he wants a blow by blow of what exactly was wrong w/ our relationship i'll happily give it to him starting with the obesity and ending with the lack of responsibility.. i asked for that once and regretted it a long time. but, live & learn: everybody's gotta go through it once. and so that's the big denouement of this lackluster relationship. his suspicions are confirmed, i'm feeling better b/c there's nothing to hide anymore. now it's just catty remarks, big sighs, & living together til august. we'll see how it goes. Please girl, learn from my mistakes. just wished i lived alone where i don't have to deal with the ex-boyfriend fallout every fucking day. otherwise, life is pretty good. xoxo 4eva & eva weez |
Sown |
| Fresh Cut
New digs - 2004-05-25 Bachelor hell - 2004-05-10 Grumble - 2004-05-07 Coachella pt. 2, or goddamn do my fingers hurt - 2004-05-05 Coachella part one, or, this monkey's gone to indio rawk heaven - 2004-05-05 Random Shearings Rings |
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